Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
