I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
