i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
