Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
