Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
