If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
