I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
