pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize