So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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