do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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