My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize