This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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