go do what you do best...puke behind churches
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Terrible idea I love it
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize