i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
