I wish I could teleport
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I am spending my child support on dildos
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
