I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
