i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
