How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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