I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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