sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
