brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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