i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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