all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
