I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
