i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Everything about him screamed your future.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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