meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize