My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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