dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
What drink are we having for lunch?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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