He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
