Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
