Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
