I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
