She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
