That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize