You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
