i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
