EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
