Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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