Who did Billy Mays play for?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
