Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
