I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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