is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
