onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
