oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
