yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize