i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
