I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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