i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
