Kareoke will never be a sober sport
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
