At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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