I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
