Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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