Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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