I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
