capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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