u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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