my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
