Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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