Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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