I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
