I feel great
I just peed on a car
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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