Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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