So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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