is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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