I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
