Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
