I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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