Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
