I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
